Just to Get High
by PeinSaku
Summary: I stared in shock at the scene. My best friend — my only friend — was slumped against a dirty brick wall in an alley. There was just enough light from the bright full moon to reveal it to me. Something in the pit of my stomach told me exactly what was going on. — AU. Language Warning.


I don't own _Naruto_ or the song.  
Song: _Just to Get High_ by Nickelback

**EDIT:** Only just started centering the lyrics in all of my song-fics. Sorry! ^^'

* * *

He was my best friend,  
I tried to help him.  
But he traded everything, for suffering,  
And found himself alone.

I sat in my room, staring out my window at the glowing full moon. It was such a mocking thing to me. How could something so beautiful exist in a world as sick and twisted as this? Was it here to haunt me? To taunt me? To throw its beauty in my face?

Most likely. I wasn't beautiful. Not like Ino. Not like Konan. Not like the moon. I would never be beautiful. I was just..._pathetic_. I couldn't even stop my best friend from hurting himself.

I watched the lying,  
Turn into hiding,  
With scars on both his lips, his fingertips  
Were melted to the bone.

It was so horrible. He looked so..._helpless_. I _had_ to help him. He was my best friend, and I couldn't bear to watch him tear himself apart...it makes me cry just thinking about it.

A tear slid down my face.

Why wouldn't he tell the truth? Why did he keep it bottled up inside? I could have _helped_...

But I can still remember what his face looked like,  
When I found him in an alley in the middle of the night.

The image haunts me. I remember how he looked that night...oh it was so horrible. I thought I was going to faint from shock. I just _couldn't believe it..._

Tell me what you know.  
Tell me what you gone and done now.

I stared in shock at the scene before me. My best friend — my _only_ friend — was slumped against a dirty brick wall in an alley. There was just enough light from the bright full moon to reveal it to me. I may not have been able to physically see it, but something in the pit of my stomach told me.

He was high.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at him and curse him for doing this, but I couldn't. I just couldn't do it.

"H-hidan?" Oh God, my voice was so shaky.

Tell me what you know!  
Tell me what you gone and done now!

He lifted his head and looked at me. His violet eyes were glassy, but his pupils were nearly pinpricks, not dilated. His eyelids were rimmed with red. It was as though he was seeing right through me. I felt myself shiver.

"Hidan?" I said again, my voice cracking.

His eyes seemed to lose some of their glassy sheen, but they didn't fully return to normal.

"...Sakura?" came his familiar voice, thick with waves of intoxication. I couldn't take it. I yelled.

A gun'll do the trick,  
Get it over with.  
You're better off...  
To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot,  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.

"What's gotten into you? !" I screamed, tears rolling down my face. His eyes seemed to focus on me and they widened slowly.

"S-sakura? !" he murmured, stunned. His voice was scratchy. "What are you doing here? !"

"_I_ should be the one asking that question!" I cried, my emotions running free. I felt so many things at once. Anger, sadness, betrayal, fear, hurt, fury... "What are you doing? ! Are you trying to kill yourself? !"

_High-igh, igh, igh_.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

I shook the memories from my mind and hugged me knees to my chest, burying my face in my arms.

_Why?_

That was the one question I asked myself over and over. Why? Why did he do it? Was he in pain? Was he unhappy? Did he—

My breath caught in my throat and I choked on another sob.

...did he hate me? Even though I loved him?

Three days no sleeping.  
He gave up eating.  
He sold his mother's rings, she said nothing  
And pretended not to know...

Hidan was in terrible shape. His mother was an abused housewife and his father was a bastard of a drunk. He could never sleep and he refused to eat. He had to steal.

He always told me these things...he said he trusted me more than anyone...

Was that really true?

I wasn't sure. He was destroying himself with drugs and alcohol, but he always told me when he did something he regretted. But two months ago, he told me he was through with all that...

...so why? Why did he do it again?

He started stealing  
To supply the feeling.  
Found out he pulled a knife on someone's wife  
And held it to her throat.

It hurt to know that he felt like he couldn't tell me about his problems even though I loved him so much. He told me before...so why not now? I'd do anything I could to help him! I'd risk anything to help Hidan!

He could always live with me... I offered at least twenty or thirty times. And every time, he'd smile and say:

"_Thanks, Sakura. That means a lot, but I can't do that to you. You have your own shit to manage."_

I wanted to burst into tears all over again...it hurt so much...

But I can still remember what his face looked like,  
When I found him in an alley in the middle of the night.

The memories returned and I gripped my head, not caring how tangled my hair was getting. My head felt as though it was going to explode. I couldn't take it! I screamed into the darkness of my cold bedroom, letting all of my pain and frustration out. I clutched my hair desperately, begging for relief from this, this..._heartbreak_. This agony, this pain. I couldn't escape it. I was going to drown in it.

Tell me what you know.  
Tell me what you gone and done now.

"_Why, Hidan? !"_ I could hear my scream from that night. _"Why would you do this? ! I thought you quit! I thought you were better than this!"_

Tears flooded down my face in a rush and sobs broke through my trembling lips. I let it all out with broken, strangled cries.

Tell me what you know!  
Tell me what you gone and done now!

"Why, Hidan? !" I screamed, my eyes tight shut. I couldn't bear to look at his face for fear that I would break down. "Why would you do this? ! I thought you quit! I thought you were better than this!"

"Sakura! Please, you have to understand!" I shook my head furiously, traitor teardrops scattering on the cold ground.

Finally, I looked at him. I could feel my eyes burning. His face was twisted with guilt and hurt.

"I'm sorry!" he tried, but I yelled back before he could continue.

"No you're not!" I shrieked. "You're not sorry at all! You're just gonna do this again and again until you kill yourself!" Hidan flinched, recoiling from my words.

I wanted so much to take it all back and run to him. To hold him and whisper that I didn't mean it and that everything would be okay. Oh, I wanted to so much it hurt.

"If you're just gonna keep going until you finally kill yourself, then I won't stand for it! I won't let you do this, Hidan, and I'll be damned if you can do something to stop me!"

A gun'll do the trick.  
Get it over with.  
You're better off...  
To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot,  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.

I snatched the bag of nearly-empty white powder and took off with it. I saw Hidan's eyes widen and he flew after me. Just as I was about to make it out of the ally, he grabbed me around the waist.

_High-igh, igh, igh._

"Let me go!" I screamed, kicking up in the air.

"Shh!" Hidan insisted, trying to pry the drugs from my grip.

Gritting me teeth, I bit down on his hand. He let out a shocked gasp and wrenched his hand from my bite. Inevitably, he dropped me and I landed on my stomach. I scrambled to my feet and ran in the opposite direction, farther into the ally.

Tell me what did!  
Where you got it hid!  
Show me...!  
What you really want,  
Was it what you got?  
Slowly...!  
Circle in the drain,  
Throw it all away.  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.

He chased after me and I tossed the bag into a dumpster. He grabbed me by the shoulders and wrenched me around. With a growl, he slapped me across the face.

I was in shock.

...did he...did he really _hit_ me?

Kind, broken, cussing Hidan...hit me?

I stood with my shock clear and frozen on my face. Just a split-second after he slapped me, Hidan gasped and his eyes went wide. He stumbled back, staring at me with such a horrified expression I couldn't even begin to describe it. Then, he took a shaky step forward again and hesitantly lifted a trembling hand to my cheek.

_High-igh, igh, igh._

"O-oh my Jashin, Sakura," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I...I'm so sorry...! I didn't mean to! I-I never wanted to hurt you!"

A tear fell down my face and I rushed forward, burying my face in his chest.

_High-igh, igh_...oooooh!

Shakily, he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face into my hair.

"Shh...it's okay now...I'm so sorry, Sakura...I'm so, so sorry..."

I cried even harder against his chest, sobbing and hiccupping hoarsely.

_High-igh, igh, igh._

"I-I'm so s-sorry, Hidan!" I cried, fisting a hand in his shirt.

"Shh...It's okay...I'm sorry, Sakura. I swear,I never meant to hit you...p-please don't cry," he whispered.

_High-igh, igh, igh._

I snapped back into the present and found myself bawling uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. I was weak.

_Hiiigh._

I was never strong...

I was weak physically, and I was weak emotionally. I would never win. I would always be the one left behind, unable to help_ anyone_...

_High-igh, igh, igh._

_Oh, Hidan..._ I was broken. I was broken, and I wasn't going to be fixed. _...w-why? I'm so sorry...that I wasn't good enough..._

_High-igh, igh, igh._

Why am I always so _weak_? !

I cried out in frustration, slamming the sides of my fists on my knees. Why, why, _why_? !

"_Why am I never good enough? !"_ I screamed, crying even harder. _"_Why is it always _ME_? ! Why? ! Why am _I_ always the one that has to get shattered? ! Why does my life have to be so _SCREWED UP_? ! It's not _FAIR_! !"

_Hiiigh._

"Why can I never help anyone? ! My friends, my family...! I'm _WORTHLESS_! ! I can't do _ANYTHING_ right! !"

And then I suddenly felt something grab me from behind.

Tell me what you know.  
Tell me what you gone and done now.

"Sakura..."

Tell me what you know!  
Tell me what you gone and done now!

I felt as though the world stood still. Time froze as my head turned. My eyes met violet and I felt a single tear go down my face.

A gun'll do the trick.  
Get it over with.  
You're better off...  
To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot.  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.

I couldn't speak. My voice wouldn't come.

"Sakura...," he whispered. "...I'm so sorry..."

_High-igh, igh, igh._

More tears spilled down my face and I threw myself into his embrace. His arms tightened around my waste and he murmured comforting words into my ear.

"Shh...I'm here..." I cried into his chest. "Don't worry; I've got you."

Tell me what did!  
Where you got it hid?  
Show me...!  
What you really want,  
Was it what you got?  
Slowly...!  
Circle in the drain, throw it all away.

And suddenly I found my voice.

"Oh, H-hidan!" He shushed me and rocked us back and forth gently.

"Shh...it's okay."

Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.

"I'm so sorry, Sakura," he murmured, pulling back to look me in the face. He as dead serious, and I could tell. I'd never seen such a somber look in his eyes. "I swear, I'll _never_ do it again...I didn't mean to hurt you..." I barely stifled another sob.

"I-it's okay, Hidan," I whispered, casting my eyes downwards.

Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.

"No, it's not." Hidan lifted my face and locked his eyes on mine. "I promise that it'll never happen again, _ever_, seriously. I give you my word." My eyes widened. He _never_ gave anyone his word. "I know I've been a real asshole lately, but it's over. W-when you ran off that night...oh Jashin, you wouldn't believe how messed up I was. I'm so, so sorry."

Circle in the drain, throw it all away.

I felt myself crying all over again. I just couldn't seem to _stop_ crying these days...

"Th-thank you, Hidan," I whispered as he wrapped his arms around me again. I laid the side of my head against his chest. "...thank you so much..."

He just rested his chin on the top of my head, rocking us again. He kissed my forehead.

"Don't worry, Sakura. It's all over."

Just to get high-igh, igh, igh.


End file.
